Potty problems

To begin with, still no pics. Sorry for those of you looking for a "pic fix," but I don't have the energy to download, edit, and upload pictures. Perhaps this reflects a broader trend towards this blog becoming more like the Philly relatives blog - they've never been into the multimedia extravaganza that sometimes occurs here. If so, this may be an opportunity to solicit feedback from my silent, but presumably large, reader base. If you want frequent pictures of the kids, speak now, or forever hold your peace.

The main topic of this post is potty training. As I've noted before (here and here), both of the kids have displayed the ability to use the potty. At this point, we don't expect much of the boy, so it's all gravy if he's willing and able to do anything on the potty. But Margaret's reaching the age where she should be moving out of diapers. In fact, she doesn't wear diapers or pull-ups at all at school. She generally makes it through the day without an incident with any problems occurring when she's waking up from her nap. When I pick her up, she typically sits on the potty before we leave, and she emphatically insists to Ms. Jakki that she won't use diapers when she gets home.

Once we get home, however, it's a completely different story. Margaret does not want to use the potty at home. She cries and complains, saying, in an incredibly petulant voice, "I don't want to sit on the potty. I'm a baby girl." Lovely. She behaves similarly when she gets up in the morning before heading to school. Of course, once she's at school, her diaper comes off and she heads straight to the potty. If we push the subject at home, it leads to a complete meltdown by her, and a near meltdown for us. Especially for me. Hell, she knows what to do. We know that she does. So, as with many other 2 year old demands (like "Papa drives" in the morning or "Mama dresses me" or "I want five crackers") her refusal to use the potty makes absolutely no sense. All it does is lead to really grouchy parents.

Of course, that is probably her intention. I suppose that she's working some sort of power play with us. But it's just not clear what she wants to accomplish or why this is the battle that she's chosen to fight.

Since I have to cook dinner, I usually cave shortly, if not immediately, after we get home, and she ends up wearing a diaper. Ms. Jakki says that we can't make it optional - we shouldn't ask her if she wants to use the potty, rather Margaret must sit on the potty, and there's no alternative, no matter how much she howls. Our next door neighbors say that they used a similar tactic with their second child as the diapers "disappeared," and they spent two weeks dealing with accidents until it got sorted out. That sort of "tough love" approach may be necessary, especially when, for example, Abby asks Margaret if she wants to sit on the potty, and Margaret responds as she did tonight: "That's not in my plans."

I do suspect, though, that the boy will be much faster with this issue. At the same age, he tends to be easier in most respects, such as fingernail trimming and water on the head during a bath (although not sleeping.) Perhaps we're better at childraising the second time around, but I doubt it. I think that he's just a less high-strung kid. And I hope that the potty doesn't become a central point of conflict with him.