Changes in childraising strategies and philosophy

As a comment on my last post suggested, your view of children, and your approach to raising them, changes drastically with the arrival of the second child. The first child experiences doting parents who jump at every cry and monitor and chronicle every development. The second child doesn't get the same level of attention. Instead, you know that they aren't really suffering when they cry (at least, they're not suffering that much.) And that they won't kill themselves if you aren't constantly monitoring them, given that you've taken certain base precautions - like blocking the stairs - to keep them out of trouble. (When talking to a soon-to-be dad at the dog park, I searched my mind for any piece of wisdom that I could give, and I came up with: "They're pretty resilient little things. They seem so fragile, but they're really pretty tough. So you're unlikely to hurt them when you change their diapers, even if they cry a lot.")

Every achievement of the second kid also isn't documented as assiduously. The boy can pull himself up on stuff? Well, he'll fall back down to the ground pretty soon, so at long as nothing sharp is around, that's ok. The boy can walk a few steps? Same attitude that accompanied pulling up. The boy is babbling? Is he interacting when doing so? If so, that's pretty fun (Teddy likes to go "Uhh" to which I respond "Uhh." We'll then go back and forth grunting at one another, which is a blast. I don't recall Margaret doing this, but maybe grunting is a boy thing.) If not, let me get back to cooking dinner.

A friend of mine with four (yikes!) boys (double yikes!) noted how few photos were focused on his fourth kid, especially compared to the first. Instead, the fourth kid mainly shows up by chance in various pictures.

Now, this isn't a very insightful post because a decrease in attentiveness has to arise with later kids as does a decline in the novelty of the tricks that they display. But I got a chuckle out of the difference when archiving photos and videos tonight. For example, observe the care with which Margaret is fed in the first part of the following video. And the clear wonder that accompanies her ability to put food in her mouth. Contrast that to the clutter on the boy's tray and the absence of any concern about whether he's actually eating much of his food or is just making a mess. (Turns out that until very recently, he has generally missed his mouth with a good portion of the food that he has tried to eat manually. Maddie loves that.)

Margaret isn't so difficult after all

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More dead fish

Well, our fish managed to hang on for a couple of days before succumbing to some unknown malady. Which, I suppose, is better than two hours for the last batch. Margaret and I checked them out on Tuesday morning, and we saw one of them scooting around, but the other was AWOL. Given that they were pretty good at hiding, we peered around for a while until I spotted one motionless at the back of the fishtank. The next day, we initially couldn't spot the remaining one, but we eventually found it hiding in a plant. I was optimistic that that one might hang on, but the next day it was "sleeping," to quote Margaret. Luckily, her sense of mortality is very limited so she hasn't been troubled by the repeated deaths in our tank. As for the boy, he just wants to eat (and is getting better with "finger foods") and get in trouble, so the fish don't even register with him.

At this point, I'm thinking about buying a test kit to see what, if anything, is wrong with our water. But when I note that we only spent $1.98 on the last pair of fish, we may just try again.

An update

Because I've been slack about posting lately, we have lots to report. Let's start with the most interesting news about the kids: They're starting to fight. Or, to be more accurate, Margaret is starting to fight with Teddy while he happily and cluelessly goes about his business. Unfortunately, his happy-go-lucky attitude sometimes brings him into conflict with his sister. For example, watch what happens when Margaret repeatedly decides to put a Lego box on her head...



Papa could just sit and laugh while snapping photos. At other times, however, it's not all fun and games. Today, for instance, Margaret decided to push Teddy a few times. While Teddy suffered a bit by hitting the ground, he didn't seem too fazed by it. On the other hand, the rest of us suffered greatly when Margaret screamed, lay on the floor and kicked her feet during the "time out" that her mother made her take.

In other news, I went to Chicago to watch a Cubs series the weekend before Labor Day. Going back to Chicago and sitting the section 514 with my friends always makes me feel like I'm 28 again because I had season tickets in that section when I lived there. At the same time, however, staying up until 3:00 AM CST to watch the men's Olympic basketball final with my friends without kids makes me feel old when I want to go to bed.

While I was gone, Abby's entire family came to her assistance. I pointed out to Abby that no one comes to relieve me when she's out of town. "Do you want my family to come into town when I leave?," she responded. Touche. While I was gone, they had all sorts of fun, including a trip to a farm owned by one of Abby's relatives in Maryland. I don't think, however, that they had as much fun as I had at Wrigley Field. (Especially because the Cubs won all the games I saw. "Boy, the Cubs look great this year," I thought. Until I realized that they were playing my hometown team, the Nationals, so it wasn't like the Cubs were playing a major league team. More like a AAA or AA minor league team, I think.)

Over Labor Day weekend, we took our annual trip to Philadelphia to visit the cousins. As usual given the dedication that my sister's family has to kid friendly events, we had a great time doing all sorts of kid oriented activities. On Saturday, we went to a concert by the Jimmies, a kids band who plays music that also appeals to parents. This is a huge (and probably fairly lucrative) genre as bands like the Jimmies play music that gets the kids up and dancing while the parents drink beer (not us, although we noted it) and tap their feet at 11:30 AM on a Saturday morning.

Then on Sunday, we went to a farm where we rode a tractor into the fields (such fun!), picked fantastic peaches (our kids now love peaches) and other produce, and ran around a big playground. My reaction was: "I'm glad I'm not a migrant worker" as I got all scratchy while picking eggplant. Followed by "the owners of this farm are geniuses to get us to pay to pick their produce for them."

We came back early today and went to the zoo. We seem to have found a key spot to view the pandas from a lunch spot that is above, and technically behind, the main panda venue. It's generally nice because it isn't too crowded, but we've also had good luck spotting pandas from that spot. The last time the Philly cousins were in town, we watched the pandas jump around in the trees about 15 feet away from us. Which was amazing because, in most of our visits, the pandas have typically been either hidden or sitting still. During that visit, I kept saying, about the cousins, "They have no idea how lucky they are to see this" as the pandas bounded through the trees. The pandas didn't do much this time, but at least we got to look down on one as it did the standard, neurotic pacing that zoo animals tend to do.

But most exciting: We bought two new fish at the PetCo near the zoo. And even more exciting: They've survived the evening. We've let our fish tank sit since the death of the previous batch, so most of the nasty chemicals should have dissipated and some good bacteria should have developed. The guy at the PetCo was astonishingly talkative, but also pretty helpful. "Don't put too many fish in at once. Buy a few and wait a couple weeks to see if they survive." And "You don't want to put tetras in a new tank" but "cherry barbs (the two that we got) are really great for establishing a new tank because they handle the ammonia spikes better." Now, I have no idea if this guy is telling me the truth, but at least I only spent two bucks for the two fish that we got, rather than five for the fish that I thought about buying. As I said, those two fish were alive as of 8:30 PM when Margaret went to bed, so it's better than last time. And, when I turn on the light, they appear to rush to the red plastic plant in the corner. At first, I was worried that they were stuck, but I've decided that they're just smart to hide in a plant that's similar in color to them. Of course, tomorrow I may post that they're dead as well, but I'm holding out hope.

The many faces of Teddy

For a variety of reasons, the blogging muse has deserted me lately. While I may or may not write about those reasons at some point in the future, I'll still be sure to post some pics for fans of this blog.

And here are some of the Tedster showing his increasing ability to "voice" his opinion.



Here are some additional photos, including some from a trip to Great Falls. A while back, when Teddy was just a little bugger, we went to the Maryland side of Great Falls. Today, we went to the Virginia side. In light of our experience today, including a Park Service Police helicopter that hovered to "yell" at some kayackers who were misbehaving, I think that the Virginia side is better than the Maryland side. Here are the photos.

Another saying

Another saying:

• "Living the life of Riley."

The Great Fish Massacre of 2008

A few weeks ago when Abby and the kids were in Minnesota, I ordered a fish tank online. I'd been thinking about getting Maggie a goldfish in a bowl for a while. My thinking was that we'd get a cheap bowl and cheap fish so that if it died, we'd flush it and buy a new one. But I went a little overboard and bought a bookshelf fish tank complete with a filter, overhead light, and thermostat. I also got a bunch of "ruins" decorations, so that we'd have a cool little fish tank with an ancient Greek theme.

We didn't get any fish, however, because we knew that we'd be heading out of town shortly thereafter. Finally, we took a trip today out to NoVa where we dropped off a bunch of baby stuff at Goodwill, bought a bike seat for Teddy, and stopped at PetCo to buy some fish. Consistent with our goal to avoid dumping too much money into the fish tank (especially given my childhood experience with fish - more on that below), we bought five fish for about ten bucks. We came home, filled the tank, placed the rocks and decorations, and let it sit for a while with the fish in their transport bag.

We had fish at various points during my childhood. However, it never worked out well. My recollection is that we either went on vacation and the fish died, or the tank grew algae and the fish died, or the fish just died. Our newly purchased fish were no different. In fact, if anything, they were worse than I remembered. After a couple of hours, Margaret and I went up to look at the fish. "Hmmmm," I thought, "That guy floating near the top doesn't look good. Where are the rest of the fish?" I then spotted three of the others lying on the bottom. The only current survivor is a bigger fish who doesn't look like he's in good shape. "Did you give them food?", Abby asked, as if that would've warded off whatever poison killed them. Which, it turns out, probably resides in DC water. The chlorine and other chemicals in DC water appear to be pretty bad for fish. We didn't spend too much money on them, so I'm not too disappointed, although I do wonder whether PetCo's 15 day fish guarantee will apply when you've clearly slaughtered your fish. But even more important, I wonder whether the toxins in DC water that are bad for fish might also be problematic for the kids. That's why we mainly give them bottled water.

By the way, if any of our dedicated readers have any info about how to care for fish (such as introducing them to a new tank, etc.), please let me know what we should do. Because as pathetic as this experience has been, we'll probably try again. With distilled water, or something like that.

Some unrelated photos (except for the bottled water in the background):

Pics from the Southwest

I don't have time to post any "deep thoughts" on our recent trip to New Mexico and Texas, but here are some photos for you junkies out there.

"Carry!!!"

We're back from a trip to New Mexico and Texas. While I'll write more about the trip soon, I wanted to post a photo of Margaret at White Sands, NM that, I think, captures her mindset at this point.

"Make another choice"

As Margaret's vocabulary has expanded, she's also become more opinionated. "No!" is, of course, a key word, used in an infinite variety of settings. "I want more" is another key phrase (note the appropriate use of the first person pronoun, something that's become more common.) And "Give it back!" is common. More advanced statements involve requests for a particular route on the way home ("I want to see a firetruck" involves walking by a fire station, while "I want fountains" takes us to the fountains outside the World Bank.) Or "I want a special treat" when she finishes her dinner and wants ice cream.

Yesterday morning, Abby and the kids were lying in bed. I came to join them, but had to scoot over Margaret to make room. "Make another choice, Papa, make another choice," she said. Then "Walk away, Papa, walk away. Go to another room, Papa." Having never heard (or said) these phrases before, Abby and I quizzically looked at one another (before laughing.) As Margaret later "told" us, it turns out that Ms. Mary at daycare uses these phrases when trying to defuse the various conflicts that arise among the kids under her care ("Ms. Mary says make another choice!".) While we may be diluting the meaning of the phrases because the need to use them arises so often, "make another choice" and "walk away" have become favorites in our household over the last two days. Given Margaret's recent attempts to exert her independence, it's fitting that her aunt was in town for the annual NOW convention, where she picked up the t-shirts pictured in the photos below.

As for Teddy, the boy is increasingly mobile and continues to display a real death wish. Why do you insist on sticking your fingers in the fan? Why are you climbing the stairs and sticking your head through the railing? Do you really need to chew on that power cord? Alas, these type of questions go unanswered. I suppose we simply have to wait until Teddy can voice independent opinions of his own.

Soooooo big!!!

Teddy has crushed another developmental milestone for infants: For the first time, he responded to "How big is Teddy?" with the appropriate "Soooo big!!" arms in the air. When you combine that with his uncanny ability to clap his hands, it's obvious that we have another exceptional child on our hands. Now, if only he could figure out how to sleep through the night. (Note that the Tedster also has two new top teeth to accompany the two bottom teeth.)

As for Margaret, she's working on her numbers and her ABCs. She can count to ten and can almost tie the act of counting to actual things. However, when we stop on the way home to count "tractors" in a big construction site and I ask Margaret how many she sees, she'll correctly count out and point to six of them, but will then proceed to find four imaginary ones. As for the ABCs, her standard rendition goes "A, B, C, D, H, I, K..." So we're lacking a bit there as well, although she always gives a rousing close with "Now I know my ABCs, next time won't you sing with me." She's also working on her "reading" as can be seen in the following video: