Birthday trauma

Margaret's third birthday is approaching. Quite a milestone, I think. We've set a number of goals for her third birthday, and we talk about them a lot. They include

1. No more nuk nuks. Margaret is still using her pacifier at night and at other times when she needs a calming influence (such as road trips to Philly)
2. Going potty in the big potty (rather than using diapers, which are basically gone anyway at this point, or the little kid potty)
3. Working on her reading skills (because Margaret is such a big fan of books that she's just a small mental connection away from starting to read)

Now, some of these goals are clearly more important than others. The continued reliance on the nuk nuk is an obvious embarrassment. On the one hand, I'm pleased that she isn't a thumb sucker. After all, some kids walk around permanently connected to their comfort device. I always figured that it would be easier to take away her nuk nuk than it would be to take away her thumb. We'll soon test that theory. Having the nuk nuk available has also been useful, if not a life saver, during a long flight or car ride. On the other hand, she won't be able to use it forever, and we have to break her attachment at some point. I'm not sure if she's rational enough to understand giving up her nuk nuk at this point (and she certainly uses it exactly at times when she's least rational), but we figure that we'll try. She seems amenable to giving it up, but that could just be a theoretical ratification that is abandoned at bedtime. The potty will probably involve less resistance as she's not as attached to her kiddie potty. Still, Abby and I are both looking forward to getting rid of the little potty as, for some inexplicable reason, emptying a poopy little potty is much more disgusting than changing a poopy diaper. And the reading goal is really just tossed in to match the number of goals to her age, although she seems smart and attentive enough that it could happen. And given her genes (embodied in her mom, her cousin Alex, her aunt Rachel, and, I suppose, her papa), there's some precedent for early reading.

One issue that Margaret appears unable to overcome is her aversion to birthday parties. Actually, she loves birthday parties for other kids. And she loves her own birthday parties once they get started. But for each of the last three birthdays - incidentally, the only ones she has experienced - Margaret has melted down when her party starts. For the last three years, we've had a party with the Philly cousins and a random smattering of grandparents. As soon as the cake is brought out and the singing begins, Margaret has started to howl. In the most recent case, she recovered quickly, especially once she tasted the icing (and certainly once presents appeared), but she really wailed at first. I suppose her response reflects overstimulation and the attention being paid to her, but it's certainly an odd thing to do at one's birthday party.

Here is a retrospective of pics from birthday parties for years 1 through 3.



Of course, she eventually gets over it...

Teddy is growing up

As the pictures below indicate, Teddy has been getting pretty shaggy lately. In contrast to some other toddler boys that we've known, it's unlikely that anyone would ever confuse him for a girl, but he has definitely developed a sloppy, long-haired, Beatlesque look. As a result, despite having a nasty cold and fussy temperament, he headed out today for his first haircut. Now, we don't have any pics of the actual event, nor do we have any post haircut pics for purposes of comparison, but it apparently was a great success. While Margaret and I went to the hardware store, Abby took Teddy to a barbershop in the neighborhood where Teddy sat happily while getting sheared. So, after $10 and 10 minutes in the barber chair, Teddy looks much more presentable. (Margaret, in contrast, did not want to get her hair cut today. It's unclear whether her aversion to a haircut was genuine or whether it reflected her current tendency to randomly resist certain activities proposed by her parents. Regardless, the result is that Margaret still has not had a haircut despite being almost three years old.)

The haircut reflects other developments that suggest that Teddy is starting to move out of the baby realm into the big kid category (such categories being very important to Margaret so that she can classify the kids that she knows and sees.) Although his verbal skills aren't too impressive despite significant effort on his part, he does exhibit clear interest in books. He likes to gather board books, stating (or sometimes yelling) "bu, bu", until someone reads one to him. When we do read one, he settles down and pays close attention. His favorite book at this point is "Hand, Hand, Finger, Thumb" - he starts bobbing and grooving along with the text and has certain canned responses, such as "Hand picks an"... "Apple", that he contributes.

When I think about Margaret's mileposts, a clear one involved her attentiveness to books. At some point, books became an important part of Margaret's bedtime routine - we now must read multiple books before bed each night. And we have shelves and boxes of books to provide some variety to both her and us. Teddy clearly isn't as sophisticated as Margaret in his taste for books, although Margaret will loiter around to hear books read to him. But his increased interest is a clear achievement.

In addition, he has, for better or worse, begun to voice his opinion about things. Specifically, he howls whenever he's put down, or picked up, or moved, in a way that he doesn't like. In addition, he's extremely possessive. When he gets something, like our box of sidewalk chalk, he bellows if someone tries to take it away. To some extent, this is understandable as his sister often appropriates things that he has (and a cynical observer might think that she does so to get a reaction from him.) Trying to protect his territory is a natural reaction, and I'm sure that this reflects sibling rivalry that we'll be dealing with for years. Still, he often takes it too far. He yells "Noooo, noooo" and thrashes his arms when I try to take him out of the truck at a local playground. More problematic is his tendency to do the same thing when a random kid intrudes on his territory. Although I'll mumble apologies about how he's really responding to his sister, I don't want to have one of "those kids" who cause problems at the playground, especially when his sister is the person who eggs him on.

Teddy is a royal pain in the arse

Just to get everyone up to date, in the last week, we took a trip to see the cousins in Philly, drove back in the snow, had fun in the snow the next day, saw Uncle Steve and went to concert of Mongolian music with him, and then enjoyed almost balmy weather this weekend. Margaret is almost potty trained. Whoo hoo!! She no longer appears to object to the potty as a matter of principle, rather her objections arise when a potty break is inconvenient. She rarely wears diapers during the day anymore, she hasn't had many accidents, and she performs like a champ once we get her on the potty. I took the kids to the Air and Space Museum yesterday during Abby's book club, and she made it for four hours out of the house with no diaper and only one trip to the restroom at the museum. Although I was pretty apprehensive the whole time, she turned in a stellar job. There may be some hiccups in the future, but we're pretty pleased with her. And she seems pretty pleased as well, so it's nice to get this issue out of the way.

Especially because the boy has started to develop issues of his own. He has become very stubborn. Extremely stubborn. He decides that he wants to do something, and he starts to scream as soon as it's clear that we're trying to stop him. Such as banging on the computer. Messing with electrical outlets. Sitting in a chair, and NOT his highchair, to eat. It's really quite frustrating especially when he's trying to do something that is completely inappropriate (such as messing with electrical outlets) or unsustainable (such as trying to monopolize all of the brooms when we're cleaning up outside.) The most "fun" situations arise when Teddy is thwarted by Margaret. Such as when he's trying to take the broom that she has and won't accept any other broom. Or when he wants to get in the back of our newest stroller, which is Margaret's official perch. (As an aside, it's actually pretty funny to watch him when we take out new stroller to school. When I pick them up, he immediately makes a beeline for the back of the stroller and tries to establish his position. Unfortunately for him, Margaret can't sit in the front, so I inevitably scoop him up and plop him in the front. And unfortunately for the rest of us, he inevitably howls about this mistreatment.)

There's not much that we can do in these situations, as he's pretty inconsolable when he doesn't get his way. He really bellows, turns bright red, and gets this nice vibrato in his wail that really makes it seem as if he's suffering. Sometimes he'll toss in a quivering cry of "Mama!!!" to really emphasize that Papa is the source of his misery. Given that Margaret's potty problems have faded, I'm pretty philosophical about the temporary nature of such phases. But that doesn't mean that it's fun.